Homeless for almost two weeks

I should not be studying because I'm taking a break right now. As the title suggests, I've been homeless for almost two weeks. Sure, I have shelter, live under a roof, dwell in an apartment. A house, however, isn't necessarily a home. Can't call this place home yet. Doesn't feel like it.

During the 3rd day (technically, 4th day since this event happened past midnight), the seniors who handled the orientation week finally cracked after repressing their rage towards us newbies for being such--jackasses. A lot of  human volcanoes erupted at the place of assembly that night. Then, with such great timing, rain came down heavily in millions of sheets. The wind was really strong, howling creepily. We had to walk back to our blocks in the rain. There are paths with roofs but on that night, the roof defeat its purpose since it was raining elephants and hippos. I was soaking wet, weight added with thousands of fat droplets of rain on me. Took a shower and when I washed my face, the suppressed tears sprang out, breaking an invisible dam in my eyes.

Solitude just barged in, uninvited. I felt truly and completely alone that night. Not lonely enough to turn to the moon and start singing, "Oh, bulaaaaan~" though. It's just that every time it was raining, I always had someone by my side; friends, family, my parents. That night, among throngs of teens who shared the same rainy fate as I did, I was lonely. LONELEHHHHH A wave of homesickness struck me and I was drowning. I drowned myself to sleep that night, with a picture of the two most significant human beings in my life; my parents.

The next day, everything went back to normal. Seniors' wrath abated. No one held any grudge against them--if some did, they kept it to themselves. I didn't though. It felt good, crying and releasing all those bottled up emotions.

Every time I spot students going back home, to their family, I can't help feeling a little sad for myself--the sadness tinged with envy of them.

This week was my first week of class and I was already falling asleep in lectures .____. and Maths is already being difficult.

I am afraid. Afraid I can't live up to my parents' and others' expectations.

Afraid I can't live up to my own expectations.